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My wife says she’s sick of me pretending to be a detective. She thinks we should split up.
I said “great idea! We’ll cover more ground that way.”
Superman was at the bar drowning his sorrows…
The bartender asked why he was so glum. He told him "I got caught cheating on Lois by sleeping with…
Women always called me ugly until they learned how much money I have.
After that, they called me ugly and poor.
Know why the chicken went to the gym?
To work on his pecks
The inventor of auto-correct just died.
The funnel will be held tomato.
I read a fan-fiction of Greek mythology containing a romantic relationship where the hero was written so out of character they were basically the same character in name only.
It was called "A Ship of Theseus."
A woman is in court for shoplifting
The Judge asks the woman what she stole. “A can of peaches your Honour” she replies. The Judge thinks on…
A woman is in court for shoplifting
The Judge asks the woman what she stole. “A can of peaches your Honour” she replies. The Judge thinks on…
A Shakespearean character enters a gay bar…
Exit, pursued by a bear.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the…
I wonder if people who spank Dwayne Johnson…
realize they've hit rock bottom…
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet"
We just found out my grandpa is addicted to viagra
…. No one is taking it harder than me!
What is Satan’s favorite subject to teach?
Trigonometry, there's a lot of "sin" involved.
What borders Stupidity?
Mexico and Canada
I randomly remembered this:
A guy calls 911. Guy: “Help, I’m out hunting with my buddy, Buck and he must’ve had a heart attack…
Who was the most frustrated ghost that ever existed?
The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.