Category: Uncategorized
God creates the dolphin
God [creates dolphin]: Welcome! You can speak, and this is the alphabet! Dolphin: What the FUCK is that? God: That's…
Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? Isn’t it just urine?”
Them: "I meant any questions about the job"
This guy, Bob, recently moved to a new ranch, when he heard a knock on the door
He opens the door and the man at the door says: "Howdy and welcome to the neighbourhood. I'm Billy and…
My girlfriend asked if I wanted to do roleplay.
I said, "Sure, what are we pretending to be?" She said, "Happy."
My boss pulled me into his office and said, “Look, a few colleagues haven’t been speaking very fondly of you recently.”
"What are you talking about?" I replied. "I want names, please." He said, "Ok..well one called you a 'petty bastard'…
I met up with the lads the other day after a heavy night out
I told them how how I found this girl tied to a rail track. Being a gentleman, I untied her…
Mick was walking along in the outback when he came across his neighbor Bruce who had a sheep under each arm:
"G'day Bruce, you shearing?" "Nah mate, get your own. These beauties are for me!"
Clock Joke
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
A man is arrested and being interrogated by a cop.
The man says "I'm not gonna say a word without my lawyer present" The cop says "But you're a lawyer"…
My son came to me the other day and said he was sad because he was fucking ugly
I told him to dump her and get a hotter one
My gym bro picked up a part-time job as a fisherman.
He said: one way or another he'll get those mussels.
My daughter came up with this:
My father used to beat me. Then I got better at backgammon.
A triangle man sees a triangle woman.
The triangle man notices that the triangle woman has two sides and one angle that measure the exact same as…