A woman is in court for shoplifting
The Judge asks the woman what she stole. “A can of peaches your Honour” she replies. The Judge thinks on…
A Shakespearean character enters a gay bar…
Exit, pursued by a bear.
McDonald’s
An elderly couple walked into a McDonald’s and sat down at a table near some young people who were having…
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the…
The Americans accidentally launched a missile that fell on Soviet territory, destroying an entire city.
The US President calls the First Secretary: – Comrade, we are very sorry, it was a mistake, we will pay…
A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.
"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
I wonder if people who spank Dwayne Johnson…
realize they've hit rock bottom…
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet"
We just found out my grandpa is addicted to viagra
…. No one is taking it harder than me!
What is Satan’s favorite subject to teach?
Trigonometry, there's a lot of "sin" involved.
What borders Stupidity?
Mexico and Canada
I randomly remembered this:
A guy calls 911. Guy: “Help, I’m out hunting with my buddy, Buck and he must’ve had a heart attack…
Who was the most frustrated ghost that ever existed?
The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.
I skipped seeing the endangered Rhino at the zoo this weekend.
If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
A guy and his wife are watching a boxing match on TV. Although it was hyped as a great fight, it ends in a knockout early in the first round.
Disappointed, the husband sighs and complains, “After hearing how great it was going to be and getting myself all excited,…
Jay was a one-hit-wonder, he wrote 1 novel which was super successful, released 1 album which was equally successful, and painted 1 picture which sold for 10 million pounds.
However, after his successes, Jay's life fell apart and he later found himself struggling to support his 2 daughters and…
If Pac-Man owned a chocolate factory, what would he be called?
Willy Wonkawonkawonkawonka. 8 year old came up with it 😂🥰
The Judge says to the defendant, “on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?”
"Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up…