There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the…
Grocery store…
A woman goes up to the man working in the produce aisle and says where is your broccoli? The produce…
This guy, Bob, recently moved to a new ranch, when he heard a knock on the door
He opens the door and the man at the door says: "Howdy and welcome to the neighbourhood. I'm Billy and…
Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married, and has 12 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries shortly after, and has another 15 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row asks, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."
My girlfriend asked if I wanted to do roleplay.
I said, "Sure, what are we pretending to be?" She said, "Happy."
My boss pulled me into his office and said, “Look, a few colleagues haven’t been speaking very fondly of you recently.”
"What are you talking about?" I replied. "I want names, please." He said, "Ok..well one called you a 'petty bastard'…
I met up with the lads the other day after a heavy night out
I told them how how I found this girl tied to a rail track. Being a gentleman, I untied her…
Mick was walking along in the outback when he came across his neighbor Bruce who had a sheep under each arm:
"G'day Bruce, you shearing?" "Nah mate, get your own. These beauties are for me!"
Clock Joke
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
A man is arrested and being interrogated by a cop.
The man says "I'm not gonna say a word without my lawyer present" The cop says "But you're a lawyer"…
Getting a second chance after death
3 guys die and get to the Pearly Gates. St Peter greets them and apologises, saying that Due to a…
My son came to me the other day and said he was sad because he was fucking ugly
I told him to dump her and get a hotter one
My gym bro picked up a part-time job as a fisherman.
He said: one way or another he'll get those mussels.
A man was out for a walk on a rainy day, when he passed by a tent.
Inside, was an unattractive, overweight woman, sitting on her sleeping bag, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. The man,…
My daughter came up with this:
My father used to beat me. Then I got better at backgammon.