Category: Walks into a bar
A man walks into the library and picks up a book on how to commit suicide:
The librarian says, "Fuck you, you can't take that book, I know you are never going to give it back…
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit walk into a bar
The Bartender says, “Is this one tab or three?” They reply, “Yes.”
A skeleton walks into a bar
He tells the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop”
An old fur trapper walks into a bar…
He claims he can identify any pelt and how it was killed with his eyes closed. The other patrons agree…
f(x) walks into a bar
The bartender says "sorry, we don't cater for functions".
A depressed cannibal walks into a bar for the third time that week
He looks at the bartender and says, “give me some of the good stuff that makes me feel better.” The…
A priest, rabbi, and footballer walk into a bar,
They argue about the meaning of life. The priest says, “To serve God.” The rabbi says, “To ask questions.” The…
A patient walks into the doctor’s office.
"Doctor, I have a problem." "What kind of problem?" "One of my testicles is really swollen. It's huge. Maybe I…
A man walks into a bar…
He proceeds to order 3 beers and drinks them rapidly. The bartender looks at him astounded. The man then walks…
The butt of the joke is about to walk into a bar
but gets arrested and starts yelling, "Wait, you are making a mistake, this is a set-up!"
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned I was with seven different women last night.”
The priest is silent for a moment, and then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the…
A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot with a sign: “Talking Parrot – $1.”
She asks the owner, “Why is this parrot only a dollar?” The owner sighs, “Well… he used to live in…
A man walks into a pet store looking to buy a parrot.
The store owner shows him three parrots sitting on a perch. The first one is $500. The man asks, “Why…
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “You know, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks shocked and says, “You mean…
An unhappy customer walks into a shop, and says, “I want to leave a note to your manager about how unprofessional and lacking in resources this place is!”
The assistant says, "Sorry, sir, I haven't got a pen."
A priest, a pastor, & a rabbit walk into a blood donation center.
The nurse asks the rabbit, "what is your blood type?" The rabbit says, "I am probably a type O."
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks:…
Three logicians (Bayes, Schrodinger and Dirac) walk into a bar.
Bayes: Wait! Based on the title, I know what joke we're in! Schrodinger: Well great, by making the observation you've…